dear diary

 I think it's finally over; been many, many years, but pretty sure it is. I'd hoped to demonstrate my value to someone, but they'e just not into it for whatever reason. It was that episode where seeing someone local who embodied the traits and characteristics of my muse, and how I failed to initiate contact, and how I was utterly perplexed, knowing it wasn't my muse but someone with a similar life experience, and how I froze up, and then see that same person a couple days later, totally randomly. And I really started to think about it, and today, driving without registration to get to my PO Box to get a desperate check, ready to sell the hell out of any deputy or officer who happened to pull me over--and I just said--you know what dude Even though there are still things uncanny and unexplained, you really were never meant to be with her. Just hope she's got a good seat to watch the end of civilization as we knew it, and maybe yet I'll prove all doubts, though well-founded, incorrect.