dear diary

 May this year my automobile registration expired, and knew it was going to be a problem for it to pass the smog test, to get that little red sticker on the license plate, so I started the investigation and going through the motions of what could be done by myself to get it to pass. Did some repairs, got a little diagnostic device, and began the effort to remedy the codes so that the monitors would set. I successfully removed two codes, one by buying an additive for my catalytic converter and implementing that. In California, if your Volvo is 1998 or older, you don't need the monitors to set and the smog requirement is waived; in fact, a number of states have waived the requirement for Volvos that old. My car is 1999, so in California I could only have one of the monitors blinking, meaning it had yet to reset. After disconnecting the battery and taping cables together overnight, to drain memory from car to begin anew, the codes were removed, meaning there’s nothing wrong with the car, but I still had the oxygen sensor, the catalytic converter, and the evaporation system monitors which needed to be set. In order to set them one must successfully complete drive cycles. The factory drive cycle is to drive twenty minutes at 45-50 mph, stop, and then do another twenty minutes, and I’m like, where in southern California am I going to be able to drive forty-five mph for twenty minutes? And yet if you go to car forums, some mechanics suggest alternate drive cycles, and some say you have to just drive it in all conditions until they set. So I commence with a drive cycle on the 23 between Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley. I get it down to the CAT and EVAP blinking, then another day driving back and forth, kind of sweating being pulled over for no tag, but confident I could reason with any officer about the situation. Then one day, I do a cycle, pull over, plug in diagnostic tool, and all the lights go green; I quick get over to a smog station, and the guy says it won’t pass. I take the failed smog to the Bureau of Automotive Repair, and via patience, am kicked upstairs to admin, and told they’d send notice to Sacramento for temp extension on registration, they guy telling me I’m just under the wire, because a few days more it would’ve been too late. So I go back to drive cycles and get it down to EVAP only, then another test and the CAT monitor goes back on, then the Check Engine Light goes back on, and I’m crushed. I call the mechanic who had walked me through a previous repair, and afterwards had dropped off a work of art in appreciation, and he says bring it on in. When I pull into his shop the radiator light goes on, ugh. Anyway, we run the test, and he says it’s only the EVAP showing and I should try to get it smogged. I get it smogged, and go to get the sticker, and when the lady opened the draw and I saw that little stack or little red stickers, I couldn’t believe it. I had all my documents in my composition book, one of those black/white marbled ones anyone can get at the store. I put it on top the car while I affix the sticker and drive off. I stop to get some supplies, and realize the composition book is gone. I have about twenty of them dating back to 1984, with notes/updates/poems, and that one was like two years old. I’m sitting there, thinking are you kidding me? The highest of highs tempered with a low of lows? I call to see if anyone has turned anything in, and answer No, so I race back to see if I can find it. I come around the corner and see something in the middle of the street, looking like it might be it. It was.