dear diary

 Well, it’s true, I do feel a weigh off my psyche; left good final message, phone machine of muse, and feel at peace. And today I happened to start going through old photos and found a number of myself, young. I’ve always been a monster; a monster in the sense that if you weren’t an artist fighting for truth, ok.

Check out this title on Audible

My Autobiography
By Charles Chaplin, David Robinson - introduction
Narrated by Steve John Shepherd

Listen on Audible:
https://www.audible.com/pd/B09SGTYWWD?source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow


Sent from my iPhone

dear diary

 I think it's finally over; been many, many years, but pretty sure it is. I'd hoped to demonstrate my value to someone, but they'e just not into it for whatever reason. It was that episode where seeing someone local who embodied the traits and characteristics of my muse, and how I failed to initiate contact, and how I was utterly perplexed, knowing it wasn't my muse but someone with a similar life experience, and how I froze up, and then see that same person a couple days later, totally randomly. And I really started to think about it, and today, driving without registration to get to my PO Box to get a desperate check, ready to sell the hell out of any deputy or officer who happened to pull me over--and I just said--you know what dude Even though there are still things uncanny and unexplained, you really were never meant to be with her. Just hope she's got a good seat to watch the end of civilization as we knew it, and maybe yet I'll prove all doubts, though well-founded, incorrect.

dear diary

 just like I can't believe all the things that have happened about me and to me and because of me, I can't believe how that recent stint teaching art taught me how to teach art. mr. toad? mr. magoo? escaping death more times than one would care to remember? how am I still alive? all I know is I just have to finish the novel with the art stuff and publish it

Edgar Allan Poe book

 enjoying the read, his younger years are: a beautiful little human full of vim and vigor, one of the boys who wanted to kiss girls; all his bros loved him and looked up to him; and he was imperious, a youngster with words and pluck to back it up....

dear diary

 Well, this morning was very interesting, and I kid you not, I drive to the market, getting some chips and I see a woman enter the aisle, didn’t notice she had a dog; she got what she wanted on the opposite aisle, I got mine, and now after her in leaving the aisle notice her dog, same, dress, same, it’s her. I say something and I see her body fright at me saying something from behind, she gets out into the end aisle and turns and  I tell her I had seen her just the other day at the mechanics, “Oh what a coincidence, have a good day.” So I finish shopping, and it turns out we have to come in close proximity again and I look away; then I get out before her (she used self-check out), and as I’m loading groceries, turns out she’s parked right near me and approaching her car; I finished loading and we are now twenty feet apart and i say have “Have a great day!” with a little wave, “You too! she says.” Of course she was strikingly beautiful and indeed did have a very similar pulchritude as an actress I’ve always had as a muse. Really wish she’d say Hi, let me send poems; I’d write a lot of good ones.

dear diary

 today i had booked a tire rotation at the local gas station; while waiting a woman pulled up with her dog, and after coming away with mechanic information, saw her face round with the adorable chipmunk cheeks and heard the lilt of her voice, and said that’s her; the spark to speak out was almost there, but didn’t fire; maybe another time, and if so, i’ll have a funny story about when i went to get a rotation which led to a hunt for two new tires.